Untitled
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which american president was least guilty
lincoln
he was in a cent
I told this joke at Mouth Rushmore and the park ranger hit me
Mouth Rushmore
(via awkward-caterpillar)
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“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” — Stephen R. Covey (via creatingaquietmind)(via creatingaquietmind)
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ONLY JUST NOW
DUDE AS A KID I REALLY WATED ME SOME USEFUL GODDAMN SKINTONES
WHERE WERE YOU 15 YEARS AGO.
DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY ORANGE PEOPLE I HAD.
(via awkward-caterpillar)
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(via awkward-caterpillar)
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- me: time for bed
- stomach: LET'S EAT 15 CHEESEBURGERS WITH ICE CREAM CAKE AND POTATO CHIPS WITH AN ENTIRE TACO BELL ON THE SIDE
- brain: HEY REMEMBER ALL THOSE WORRIES, IDEAS, ASPIRATIONS AND OTHER ANXIOUS THOUGHTS WELL NOW YOU DO
- muscles: I HURT FOR AN UNEXPLAINED REASON LIKE ARE YOU GROWING DO YOU HAVE A DISEASE LOL IDK HELP
- skin: LET'S PLAY A GAME CALLED ARE YOU ITCHY OR DID A SPIDER EGG SACK JUST BIRTH ON YOU
- ears: THERE'S A JET PLANE 500 MILES AWAY ALSO I THINK THE NEIGHBOR IS VACUUMING
- eyes: WOW EVER NOTICE HOW IF YOU LOOK CLOSELY INTO PITCH BLACKNESS YOU CAN ALMOST SEE YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE
- mouth: IT'S DEATH VALLEY UP IN HERE
- body: HAVE FUN TOSSING AND TURNING FOR THE NEXT 2 HOURS
- me: ok
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(via awkward-caterpillar)
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“Is it push or pull” I panic to myself as the doors come closer
(via awkward-caterpillar)
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Sometimes, I like watching people trip & watch them look around to see if anyone saw them. I saw you, buddy.
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(via awkward-caterpillar)
